Monday, March 18, 2013

Sex, scat and the meaning of life

Do you see that little list of "popular posts" over to your right?  No?  Check it out.  I'll wait.

You back?  Did, you notice anything?  Maybe not yet, but I'll explain.

So, these posts did not land in their vaunted "popular" position by some merit-based peer-judged competition.  They are just the posts that got the most hits.

The most popular is the one with the sophisticated title of "Poop Post" which is about... well... poop.  Potty training specifically, but really about the whole family's poop issues. I'd like to think it's funny, relateable, entertaining and not unworthy of the #1 spot, but there might just be something else going on here...

Another Top 5 post was about my son's circumcision in Nairobi.  This one... well....maybe not so relateable, but funny in an off-beat, cringe-worthy kind of way. I'd like to think it's attracting quite the viral attention purely based on the brilliance of my cross-cultural observations and witicisms.  But, again, there's probably something else going on here too...

Another Top 5 asks the rhetorical question, "What is the Universe Trying to Tell Me?"  It's about a string of weird coincidences that ended up in my getting a very needed surgery just in time.  It's too much to get into here, and, honestly, it's was probably too much to get in to in the original post which was rambling, not all that relatable and long.

So, maybe it's about time to tell what "else" is going on here.

Some of you land on this site because you know me (hi!) and others I've met through the blogging community. Some, might even just want a peek into Kenyan ex-pat life or to witness my deeply profound musing about parenting, which are entirely unique among the 4 billion other mom blogs.

Others have simply Googled things like "vagina chair" and found themselves squarely in the middle of my rant about the evolution of hipster insults (ala. asshat and douche canoe). And probably annoyed.

Which leads me to my main point: Who are you Googlers who end up unwittingly at my site and then elevating random posts to the "popular" spots?  I'll tell you: a weird combination of degenerates and spiritual seekers.

Any post with the words, poop, shit, vagina, penis snipping, defecation and ass are going to get a bunch of sickos (ooops, now I've done it), who I imagine are sitting in their cubicles Googling these words in hopes of a cheap thrill before they are fired.  Or maybe they are sitting at home in their moo moo and cape ala fat Homer Simpson looking for something titillating to distract them from their loneliness   Or .... actually ....  I don't want to imagine people Googling these search terms.  But I imagine they are disappointed to find my G-rated posts.
Not that Homey would EVER engage in Googling salacious search terms. Still, this is what I picture
The other group who inadvertently land on my site make me sad in a much less mock-able way.  These are the wrong-headed spiritual searchers who are definitely asking too much of the Internet when they Google "What is the Universe Trying to Tell Me?" - which is the NUMBER 2 Google search that lands you to this site after "mama mzungu."  If you're using search engines to look for answers to deep existential questions, we have a problem.  I mean, the Internet is REALLY smart and everything, but it's not wise.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if site analytic are any barometer of human nature (which, again is probably asking too much of the Internet, but I'm going with it....), then when no one else is looking we are  either succumbing to our baser instincts or searching for the meaning of life.

Or shopping.


3 comments:

  1. Ha ha - it really is fun to look at what search results pull up your blog isn't it? You have some classics!

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  2. well, i had someone find my blog after looking for pig mailbox covers, so I'll let you just think about that for a minute. and then after the stuff I'd been writing about NYU Abu Dhabi, in which I quoted someone as saying (incorrectly) that jews were legislated againt & cameras were illegal, I discovered that if you google jews + cameras + abu dhabi, you get me. Which I suppose is one kind of success, yes? And now I'm off to figure out what the hell you had to say about "vagina chair." The mind boggles. Or maybe it googles.

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    Replies
    1. Hope you're not disappointed. Vagina chair is nonsense. I'm amazed anyone else even put those two words together in a google search. But I guess someone but douche and canoe together, so we're living in that kind of world. ; )

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