All of which is ironic because I hate, HATE, when people mom-ify words, like momtrepreneur and momversation and momut butter and jelly. (OK. I've never heard that last one. Yet...) But here I am, momifying words like a boss because all this momsomnia has eroded my brain.
So, momsomnia is the state of sleeplessness you achieve despite the fact that you have a sleep deficit of 149 hours and you've only averaged 4 hours of sleep (not in a row, mind you) each of the last 8 nights. Despite your biblical levels of exhaustion you spend the only 2 hour stretch of quiet your baby gives you a night, with your heart racing, unable to sleep.
You find yourself in the dark of night, lacking even the energy to move your head to a more comfortable position on the pillow. Even thoughts of movement tire you out, as you lay sprawled on your bed like a ragdoll thrown from a plane. You're definitely too tired to sob silently on the bathroom floor, which was your strategy the last 2 nights. All signs point to sleep.
But your body is kept awake by your rapidly firing nervous system which is now stuck on high alert for the dreaded baby cry. The more frustrated you are about wasting this precious opportunity to sleep, the harder it is to sleep.
After a bout of momsomnia you might fall into a weirdly intense dreamstate. Like you're dreaming that your husband is lying next to you and trying to... ahem... get frisky, but when you turn over to respond, you find there's someone ELSE in the bed who's laughing maniacally at his attempts to ensnare you. Then you do one of those dream screams to wake yourself up, and your husband comes in from the other room (he's no longer sharing a bed with a momsomniac) and shakes you awake reminds you not to scream, you know, because of the baby. But it turns out THAT's a dream too. It's like that. Or so I've heard.
I hope this ends soon. Then I can go back to my regular, run-of-the-mill Ambian-curable insomnia. Like normal people.
P.S. I *thought* I invented "momsomnia," but a quick google search told me I'm delusional. Of course other people have made this obvious word momification. So, I'm unoriginal, but at least I'm not alone. I'll take it.