Oh, how times have changed. Today, instead of getting most people all "hot and bothered," the interweb is largely responsible for getting people just "bothered."
I mean, I'm on it. And probably too much. I get real time updates from home and all over the world right here in Western Kenya. I watch touching videos of my beloved niece and nephews, an ocean away, right here in my living room. I wouldn't go back to a world without it. But, it's also a source of unique irritation in my life. Here's why:
(1) I love that there's always an answer to "What's for dinner?" what with the series of tubes on the case. But here's my beef (<-- did you see what I did there?):
I look up something I'm craving, like chicken tikka masala, and can easily find the recipe that has the highest rating with the most reviewers. But then, I dig a little deeper into those glowing reviews, and get to comments like this:
"I absolutely loved this recipe It was perfect. I made just a few adjustments. I removed the curry and turmeric, doubled the garlic, added a pinch of cilantro and then rolled up the whole thing in a tortilla and ate it like a taco. Great recipe. My family, who normally hates Indian food, was asking for seconds. Five stars!!"
Look, if you have to change anything about a recipe it is. not. five. stars. Just give it 3 stars, and we can all move on. If I have to read a dozen reviews to determine the quality of a recipe it kind of defeats the efficiency of searching up a recipe online. Ok? let's move on...
(2) Pinterest. Why oh why do I get sucked into looking at sun-lit pictures of domestic tranquility and order? It's calming, like a spa day for the eyes. And then there are clever little ideas that entice you into thinking a better life is just a more orderly sock drawer away.
|No problem some yarn, a glue stick and precision folding can't cute-ify.|
|I was feeling OK about this because, you see, the clothes are folded. But Pinterest is wagging it's finger at the mess on the top.|
(3) I'd like to keep this light, but the political discourse on the World Wide Webbernet, that is when the partisans emerge from their echo chambers to spar with each other, gives me heart palpitations. I should probably just ignore these little anonymous battles in the comment section of a news articles, but there's something about a good fight that keeps me reading despite my better judgment. Then I find I'm all worked up (and not in the old sense of the internet kind of way...), feeling defensive on behalf of muckraker03 and wanting to give Redstayte a serious piece of my mind. But if I engage, it only sucks me into some 4th grade mud-slinging battleground that I can only escape by turning off the computer and swallowing some Zanax. (I don't do either.)
(4) I think we all know I'm avoiding the profitless 1 billion strong elephant in the room. The book of face. There's a lot to be annoyed with here: the constantly changing interface, the dubious privacy settings, the greater ease it allows for stalking and cyberbullying, the irritating political rants from distant acquaintances, the false veneer of fabulous on everyone's public personas, the hours lost investigating the travel photos from someone I barely care about.
And despite all this I find myself proselytizing facebook to the few holdouts because I don't know how we'll maintain a friendship if they can't be sucked down this feel-bad vortex with me.
(5) Why can't I leave this list at four items? Darnit all. I have to find a fifth. Why? I don't know. I think I have to blame... you know people, I'm running out of euphemisms for the Internet, so can we just call it the Internet? Whew. That's a load off. Not to get too meta here, but read enough blogs and you start to think in lists. So, making me feel bad about failing think of 5 things is my fifth thing.
But, despite all this, Internet, I really do love you, OK? It's not you, sugarcakes, it's me. You know how I am -- it's my own insecurity and lack of self control at the root of all my gripes. So, please take the above rant as me just letting of some steam, which we all need to do at times, right? And let's not even think of punishing me by slowing down or crashing. Because I need you lovemuffin. Tomorrow I'll bring you some bytes or bits or something, whatever you like.... I'll even read all the online recipe reviews to make sure they're perfect.