Thursday, April 26, 2012

Blogspeak

I'm linking this post up with Stasha's Monday Listicles. The topic is list the things you're good at. But all I could think of was that I'm pretty awesome at finding all my flaws, which is totally not in the spirit of this listercise. But I've been meaning to join up with this linky thingy for a while now so in truly bad form, my first link-up is totally unrelated to the prompt, but I thought you blogging listmakers might have some good things to add to this post!
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I used to pride myself on my stubborn refusal bend to the latest technological and social media trends. You know, I was the last of my friends to get a cell phone and then a smart phone. I thought ROFL was a special at iHop and a hashtag was something kids smoke out of.


I kind of felt being the group Luddite made me unique, mysterious even, and somehow principled. Like a zen master at a frat party. Truth be told it was more due to laziness and inability to navigate anything more complicated than an on/off switch. But it was kind of my thing.

But since my maternity leave, I’ve dove head first into the social media world. I am writing more in my blog and actually trying to promote it, linking up with other sites and spending a criminal amount of time reading all of your blogs – to the neglect of my children. I now have a twitter account that I don’t use and finally figured out how to waste a ton of time on my smart phone. Kim for the win!

And in so doing, I’ve noticed that a new language has developed among those plugged and clued in.

Some initial observations those of you in the thick social media-ing may not have paused to consider:

(1) Good job=”for the win”/ bad job =”fail”. So, when did this happen? You tell an amusing story about a petty triumph, and it’s “Kim for the win!” When did we become our own little color commentators? Truth? I kinda like equating getting my toddler to crap in a potty with scoring the winning touchdown in a playoff. Because it feels about that exciting, and someone should be cheering for me.

Some person or institution does something dumb and it’s a fail. Really dumb, it’s an epic fail. Was I asleep when fail became a noun? Or when failure shed its “ure?” I’ll go with it. Language evolves and all that…

(2) The new “a**hole.” It’s not clever enough anymore to call someone an a**hole, unless you call your grandm an a**hole (because that’s just funny). No. Today you have to merge something scatological or sexual with something mundane. Like ass hat or douche canoe (What? It’s a thing. I’ve seen it) or vagina chair (OK. Not a thing yet. Keep watching...)

(3) New nouns. You all seem to love to add “-ery” to everthing. As in, dumbassery or head scratchery. I like this one. It actually seems to serve an important linguistic purpose in terms of efficiency. This is not a language fail. It’s language win, people.

(4) Calling your readers “people.” I like this one too. Seems the best choice. I mean what else are you supposed to say? “Gentle reader” is a bit too old school. “Folks” is too, well… folksy. “Y’all” is too Southern. “Eskimos” way too Northern. “Patriots” is too right wing, “comrades” too left wing, “lovers” too familiar and “douche canoes” just too mean. “People” is the best. You know what I mean, guys? Oh, yeah, you could also say “guys.”

(5) There’s a lot of stabbing and throat punching. Sure, we’ve always had ways to express our… um… displeasure with someone. “He’s going to get it.” “I’d like to kill that guy” or even “I want to punch him in the face.” But now we are all blogging, tweeting, status updating about stabbing our spouses and punching the guy at the DMV in the throat. 
Did this all start with the Bloggess?

Why so specific guys? I could go on about what this means for the decline of civility in society, but I think we’ve moved in this direction because stabbing just sounds funny. Throat punching? Hilarious.

That’s it from me, but don’t be a total vagina chair – leave a comment and let me know what I’ve missed…

16 comments:

  1. Bwahahahaha, shit that's funny.

    You crack me up Kim!

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  2. Like when my mother in law asked if we would go to Disney World with her and Dave's sister and kids, and I responded, "I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a needle." ?? It really seemed like the best way to describe how I was actually feeling.

    That trip (which will NEVER happen) would be an epic fail.

    Jo

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    1. Ha!! I've also used the stab in the eye when totally necessary. Disney does sound like an expensive nightmare and about any age.

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  3. Ha! Love this post. I've never been able to say "fail" or "for the win" without feeling like a self-conscious douche canoe.

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  4. Kimbo- I lov!!

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  5. Hi Mama Mzungu,

    Keep up the good work. I would use a little help from you; we have a prime house that is on sale in Milimani, Kisumu.

    This would make a perfect home or an office for an NGO. It can also work perfectly well as a guest house/hotel.

    For more details and pictures please visit (PRIME LUXURY PROPERTY IN MILIMANI, KISUMU);
    http://kisumurealestate.net/Houses_for_Sale_in_Kisumu.php


    I look forward to hearing from you.

    My email: info@kisumurealestate.net

    Regards,
    Martin

    P.S. I did not see your email address that is why I have posted here.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have never understood the term ass hat. It makes 100% no sense. Somehow though, I find douche canoe hysterical. You forgot that we also now add ista to words to mske more authoritative titles: fashionista, blogista, etc. Found you at finding the funny.

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    1. Great one!! I'm sure there are a ton I'm missing. I just remembered: saying you're welcome to an implied thank you.

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  7. This is awesomesauce. Yep, another one I learned on twitter. I have googled so many of these words and acronyms since joining the twitter it makes me feel ancient. or maybe just a bit of a vagina chair...
    Love it, thanks for joining Kimbo!

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    1. I feel the same way! Younger people are constantly having to decode acronyms for me. Thanks for indulging my off script listicle.

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  8. Hello! I am happy that I get to see blogs like yours through the Monday Listicles. This one made me laugh! I'm one for your newest Google Friends followers....

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Loli! I'm going to check your blog out right now!

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  9. "Punch in the junk" is useful. Another more Australia-specific one is "Ugly as a hatful of arseholes" or "Face like a bat-ravaged mango". These aren't really anything to do with blogging, I just like saying them in everyday life ;)

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    1. "Ugly as a hatful of arseholes" isn't really a thing, right? You just made that up right now. "Bat-ravaged mango"?? Ouch!!

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  10. Vagina Chair? WTH is a Vagina Chair? ROTFLMAO at your funny list!

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    1. ROTFLMAO is a good one too! I had to look at that for a minute to figure it out. But I'm glad this made your Roll Over That Flamango to Lift My Avocdo Open. I love it when a blog makes me do that!

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